Not so you’d really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. 12 ), ( George Carlin on the American Dream (with transcript) This legendary rant is even better when read. Deal with it. Copyright © 2014 Valentino Stoll. ), ( It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. We made the whole fucking thing up! I can’t follow the logic on that one at all! The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. They don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. George Carlin — ‘But there’s ... nobody seems to care. 20 Government doesn't care about you. 28. If you can’t beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. a few weeks ago, comedy — at its best — pushes our buttons and challenges our ways of thinking. This book offers the hope and reassurance you’re looking for. Someday the people of this country are gonna realize that the government doesn't give a lick about them. That's the only thing. — George Carlin “Just ’cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” — George Carlin “I finally figured out what e-mail is for. Maybe a little Styrofoam. 18 The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government … doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety… It’s interested in … Politics A little boy asks his father what politics is. Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they’re against homosexuals. These 125 best George Carlin quotes showcase the comedian's wit, ingenuity and genius. Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? 61 Copy quote. It simply doesn’t give a (bleep) about you. You see all, sooner or later. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. The owners of this country know the truth: It’s called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 14. After that, they don’t want to know about you. https://www.goalcast.com/2017/04/28/top-george-carlin-quotes-laugh-wisdom Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! ... George Carlin, being of sound mind, do not wish, upon my demise, to be buried or cremated. It’s interested in its own power. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. 14 George Carlin Quotes On Government & Politics. In America, anyone can become president. People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think. But deep down, that sentiment really speaks to the heart of our problem in the U.S., and even more so, in the world at large -- we don't take rights seriously. 22. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Let me get a sip of water here…you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." 33. George Carlin — ‘Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. I, on the other hand, who did not vote—who, in fact, did not even leave the house on Election Day—am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created” George Carlin on Politics, Americans, Government, & More. 47. This book describes the timelessness of the universe. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. 32 You know, if you read the Bible, you see that it's full of retribution and revenge. 6 20. You see all, sooner or later. Everybody says they suck. Here are 51 quotes from the late comedian that show him at his best — hilarious, irascible and never satisfied with the state of society. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Individualists. I sometimes hear conservatives and libertarians quoting George Carlin, although he was pretty leftist in his politics outside of his political corectness rants. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Thank you so very much for your kind words. It's interested in its own power. George Carlin on the 1996 HBO special “Back in Town”, blasting “pro-lifers”, conservatives and generally “anti-women” entities such as the Catholic Church. Where are these people hiding? I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. 12. ), ( so watch it have fun. 46 likes. This is what we have to offer. […] I look at war a little bit differently. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. They don’t give a fuck about you. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: “The public sucks. Why, why, why, why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place, huh? Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? I give myself a divorce, I said George emotionally you have no stake in this. It will not be with jack-boots. It's interested in its own power. Rights aren’t rights if someone can take them away. See more ideas about george carlin, carlin, george. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” … Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Thank you for reproducing this segment of his last HBO special here. George Carlin on Politics – They Own You – They Own Everything. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? “Say, pardon me?” (shoots gun) “I’m awfully sorry. Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. OK? 1. It’s interested in its own power. It’s interested in its own power. The transcripts I could find always sucked. ), Design By Humans :: Community driven t-shirt design, Motionless Electromagnetic Generator (MEG), Quote: Who's the judge? He was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and taboo subjects. “Never argue with an idiot. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. That's the only thing. So I've made what i hope is a more readable version below, so this classic piece of polemical gold can be shared and understood more widely. That's the only thing. Because I’m an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. Bullshit, Giving, Voting. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. The sanctity of life doesn’t seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. Like “Boy ... sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn't give a fuck about them. “Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. ), ( “The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.” 2. 1 So let’s know something about his life. Because you have the illusion of choice. In many ways, the comedian has the ability to be the philosopher of our era, a social critic and theorist whose words have the ability to shape public thought. It simply does not give a fuck about you! They don't care about you at all -- at all -- … "In America, anyone can become president. 36. And besides telling you things you shouldn’t say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; “Here’s something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; here’s something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; here’s something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 o’clock when the bells ring.” Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying. It's interested in its own power. I don’t have pet peeves. Everybody’s going to save something now. Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. See, nobody can do it! Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! When you have the audacity to go onstage with an act titled "The 7 words: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits", it's a dead giveaway that there is nobody on this Earth that will convince you to censor yourself and not divulge what is on your mind. My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me. Save the planet! You don't care one way or another. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety, it simply doesn’t give a fuck about you. Everybody complains about politicians. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! That’s the only thing. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? ), ( Because chickens are decent people. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. 29. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. ( 50. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. 46. I like people who buck the system. 4 The truth is, we don’t have people like that. "In an infinite fractal of rotation, how do you define the center? The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. It sounds like this: “What, they have bigger dicks? It simply doesn’t give a fuck about you. Because chickens are decent people. When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. 31. When you have the audacity to go onstage with an act titled "The 7 words: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits", it's a dead giveaway that there is nobody on this Earth that will convince you to censor yourself and not divulge what is on your mind. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! And what's going on is your getting fu*ked.It's funny but deadly serious. Selling is legal. He was raised an Irish Catholic, even an alter boy, and attended a Catholic school until the age of 15, when he dropped out of school. I have certain rules I live by. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. All we really have left from that 1960s greenich village scene is Bill Cosby and Woody Allen. When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Because he decides who wins or loses,  not my opponent. The best George Carlin quotes for a good laugh. You’d think they’d make natural allies. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. And complaining about the politicians. It simply doesn’t give a (bleep) about you. It simply does not give a fuck about you! A boring game for boring people. Germany lost the Second World War. Believe me, my friend. I’m a loyal American and I’m not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit … Yeup, sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn't give a fuck about them. ~GC. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. We’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet? 31 Fascinating Answers To Questions About Life, Happiness, Fear And More From The Vanity Fair Proust Questionnaire, Religious Education Reform Is Something That’s Been Bothering Me For Some Time, 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes, 9 Unlikely Levels Of Profoundness From Comedians, 60+ Best Philosophical Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes. Everybody says they suck. It’s interested in its own power, that’s the only thing, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. It’s interested in its own power. Electricity is really just organized lightning. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you … Fascism won it. " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! Are these people kidding? Simple thing. So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck; maybe it’s something else. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about George Carlin. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Sooner or later, the people of this country are going to find out the government doesn't give a fuck about them. That's what you got a video of your DVD, too. The Monday night crucifixions! Not a word. You’ll never see the black guys going, “Oh, golly! They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. Here’s another question I have: How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelet? 56. Nov 6, 2014 - Makes me laugh, think and then usually agree. His medium was stand-up, but he touched on issues of race, class, politics and American life — saying the kinds of things no one else dared. 5 "Well, son," he says, "I go out into t... "There is a physical place inside your heart that has a singularity. 51. These words are for the one looking for hope; for the one questioning whether they’ll ever truly be okay. Thank God for that. That's the only thing. You rarely see a bumper sticker that says: “Save the tumors.” Or “I brake for advanced melanoma.” No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. 34. Carlin's point SEEMS like a simple "duh" observation on the surface. Thank you. It seems age only seems to help Georgie. The planet will be here, and we’ll be gone. Read classic quotes by George Carlin about politics, religion, and American life in honor of the late comedian's birthday. Advertisements. You ever watch golf on television? Nothing sacred about those things. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? The planet is fine. 37. I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Leave these fucking people alone for Christ’s sake. Here’s some bumper stickers I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.” “We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.” “We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet. 7. the government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. ), ( And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away? In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. – George Carlin. ), ( 13. That's the only thing. Updated June 20, 2018. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ), ( Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. It’s called “fucking with people!”. The government doesn't care about you or your children or your rights or your welfare or your safety. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the … 38. ), ( -George Carlin – popular memes on the site ifunny.co “The government doesn't care about you at all! 8 Save the planet? And you might have noticed something else. ), ( How can [God] be perfect? When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. 21 Never join a group that has a name. Pretty neat deal, huh? Designed By Templateify. It simply doesn’t give a fuck about you. '” Avoid teams at all cost. – George Carlin Quotes. These words are for us all. Everybody complains about politicians. Fucking is legal. It’s a subconscious need to project the penis into other people’s affairs. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. Click here, sign up, and get your first ride with Uber for free. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? You see all, sooner or later. I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. Go look for consistency in religion. Nobody seems to care! Religion is nothing but mind control. When’s the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? We won the big game today, yes sir!” But you’ll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, “What’s happenin’?”. Looking for some good George Carlin Quotes? George Carlin was a famous American stand-up comedian who is considered one of the influential stand-up comics in history.. No nothing. That’s the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. You never hear them say “Jesus made me drop the ball.” “The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.” According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during … 3 42. Actually, I don’t care, I drink it anyway. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. - George Carlin – popular memes on the site ifunny.co it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. Let go of the present and cross over to the farther shore of existence. 48. You know why? Quote: Einstein on respect for the government. Keep your circle small. They don’t mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. Full transcript of It’s Bad for Ya, final HBO stand-up comedy special by stand-up comedian George Carlin.It was televised live on March 1, 2008 on HBO. It's interested in its own power. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government … doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety… It’s interested in …